I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
