I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
