It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
