Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
