Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
