i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
