I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry about my life...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
