I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
