also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
