so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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