Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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