yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
