My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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