I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
