hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
