Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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