Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
