So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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