ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
