I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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