dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
