I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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