I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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