Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize