I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
