oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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