Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
