It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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