You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
