im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
