filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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