You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
