too bad you live with your parents still
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
