when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
