I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
