I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
