I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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