I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dick very happy bro
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
