It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
