At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
