Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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