i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
