I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Quick, to the slutcave!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
