There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
