Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
