My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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