Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
True college students do jello shots in the library
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
