I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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