I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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