it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
