I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
