Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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