just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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