A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
