It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Shame is for Republicans.
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