fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
