Please, let me fuck your mom
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
