Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
