Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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