wrigley field is MILF paradise
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
