KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
