my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
