i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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