I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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