My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
