Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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