it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i think i just lost a toe
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