Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
