I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
