i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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